I am 40 years old. I am most certainly trying to glorify God in my body and am continually seeking Him for more direction and guidance, but am facing discouragement continually externally.

So while I feast my eyes on not what is seen but by faith keep diligently treading the course laid out for me. I so desire a Word of encouragement. a glimpse perhaps from the Lord to the outcome. Something to keep me hanging on. I fear success and yet fear failure at the same time. It is an awful position to be in, believe me.

So far the Lord has led me from a body of almost 700 pounds - to a found body in His grasp - of 300 pounds. Sounds astronomical but it is truth. The journey has been long and the path has been both exhilarating and frustrating. I remain in bondage, but no longer to sickness. The Lord has delivered me from a life of hopelessness to that of faithfulness. He has done so much for me! You have no idea Mr. Malkmus, it is more than words can ever utter, so much more!

The Lord told me to glorify Him in my body and out of love and devotion to Him, I set out to do just that. Seeking Him for guidance along the way, listening to the still quiet voice within me. Asking My master, my creator, my all in all, to guide me and direct me with assurance and tenderness. HE has led me from a world of animal protein and dairy, a diet high in fats and calories; to that of a vegetarian, then a vegan, and then a raw foodist to what I am today.

On this vegan diet, he has led me from a life plagued with asthma to seeing my asthma totally disappear! He has led me from diabetes to normal blood sugar levels without insulin. He has led me from a life plagued with cancer to being cancer free. He has allowed me to see the shedding of 385 pounds, yet metaphorically speaking still seeking liberation. He has led me from a life of emptiness - taking care of my terminally ill husband who suffered and endured over 86 surgeries during a 16-year marriage, to a life of fullness (remarried for almost 5 years now).

He has led me from a life of barrenness to a life of children (three children, two of which came from my womb and are miracles of joy - Their names are Harmony and Charis (Greek for 'Grace.) He has led me from a life of continual battle against the demonic spirits of darkness that plagued my first husband to that of spiritual bliss - to this marriage, which revolves around God as the center.

Why am I writing you? Just being able to express myself, just being able to praise God, just being able to take my eyes off my demise and onto the one who is my refuge. What can you give me Mr. Malkmus that God cannot? What can you say that He has not already expressed? What? How? I have no answers, but I know the one who does. All I can say is that I feel compelled to write you...no explanation other than that.

Forgive me Father for feeling so 'imperfect' and for harming the Temple You gave me and for the many years I failed to bring you glory thru my body. I am trying to be Faithful and Obedient, and it is truly You I seek, even amidst this letter." Signed: "Lost in despair, yet not hopeless, ever mindful of my creator and the lover in my life.

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